Well it's alsmost the end of the year and another chapter closing in the great cosmic book of existance and infinitued. I also imagined me getting my associte's degree, having a girlfriend and becoming better when I got out of high school and turned 21. Boy, my plans surely failled to come through. I didn't expect to get anywhere and I only got so far and far from fully realizing my dream of growing up. But I guess the best plans of mice and men often go astray.

It's been two months now since my Dad passed away suddenly. I don't expect to stop thinking about it constantly for awile now, like months. I feel like I should remember him like this and get on with my life steadily. I don't want to a kid who gets over his dad passing away just like snapping his fingers. Then they has got to be something seriously messed up with him. Man...October 15...I never saw it coming that day. Sometimes I feel like I should mope and do nothing and watch Tv all day sometimes, everything is so ...ummm what's the word I'm looking for...unnatural about not having him around. It's almost unsettling to sleepless night degree. I feel like I'm expecting him at times when I sub-consciously expect him to show up or do something, then Reality sets in and I'm left back to myself. Even this Christmas seemed so wrong if anyone has felt what I mean.

But I have to get going. Move on and all that. I just feel like I should draw my ideas but I'm afraid of the consequences of my iseas would bring and the motive as to why I should draw in the first place? Who am to impress, share, or inspire? I pity myself. I am my own worst obstacle.

THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE, I'M 21 AND I FEEL ALIVE. NOW I CAN DO THINGS I NEVER KNEW. I EXPLORE NEW WORLDS AND ...STUFF. ehhh I got nothing more.

Here is some Articles for people with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) who wnat to learn how to make friends and for people who can learn more about people with ADHD and their behavior in a friendship.

[link]

And

[link]

Taken from TheNobody1994

001. Real name?
Benjamin

002. Nickname(s)?
Neb, Spazman, Napoleon Dynamite, Ben, and more

003. Zodiac sign?
sagittarius

004. Male or female?
Male

005. Elementary?
Arno, and Southgate

006. Middle School?
Allen Park

007. High School?
Allen Park High

008. Hair color?
Ash Brown with a hint of red

009. Long or short?
Short most of the seasons

010. Loud or Quiet?
Loud but ccan be really quiet

011. Sweats or Jeans?
Jeans because sweat make me feel like I too lazy to put on a pair of pants.

012. Phone or Camera?
Both

013. Health freak?
Yes but with a sweet tooth.

014. Drink or Smoke?
Can't do either because I'm underage and I have Asthma.

015. Do you have a crush on someone?
Yes

016. Eat or Drink?
I do not understand the meaning of the question.

017. Piercings?
No.

018. Tattoos?
No but if I did it would say HONOR GUIDE ME.


HAVE YOU EVER?

019. Been in an airplane?
Yes

020. Been in a car accident?
Yes.

021. Been in a fist fight?
Yes.

FIRSTS:

022. First piercing?
Never.

023. First best friend?
I am not sure. I never knew at such a young age the concept of best friends. I only knew the concept of friends.

025. First award?
Pinewood Derby from Boy Scouts

026. First crush?
Melissa Davids. She was the first girl to be nice enough to me in the fifth grade. Ahhh Memories..

028. First big vacation?
Arizona and Nevada


LASTS:

029. Last person you talked to?
My Brother.

030. Last person you texted?
My Brother

031. Last person you watched a movie with?
My other brother.

032. Last food you ate?
Raisin Bran

033. Last movie you watched?
The Breakfast Club

034. Last song you listened to?
Elton John-Crocodile Rock

035. Last thing you bought?
Gas for my car.

036. Last person you hugged?
Mom.


FAVES:

037. Food?
Burgers from Millers' Bar. FTW Burgers.

038. Drinks?
Root Beer.

039. Clothing?
Something that covers my ass and my stomach.

040. Book?
Philosopy: The Power of Ideas Textbook by Moore and Bruder

041. Music?
Songs with deeper meanings to them not like Hollerback girl and crap like that. Hollerback girl...What the hell does that mean?

042. Flower?
Apple Blossom

043. Colors?
Green.

044. Movies?
Robocop

045. Shoes?
Reebak

046. Subjects?
Philosophy

IN THE PAST YEAR I ... :

047. [ ] kissed in the snow

048. [x] celebrated Halloween

049. [x] had your heart broken

050. [ ] went over the minutes on your cell phone

051. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation

052. [ ] came out of the closet

053. [ ] gotten pregnant

054. [ ] had an abortion

055. [x] done something you've regretted

056. [x] broke a promise

057. [x] hid a secret

058. [x] pretended to be happy

059. [x] met someone who changed your life

060. [ ] pretended to be sick

061. [ ] left the country

062. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

063. [ ] cried over the silliest thing

064. [x] ran a mile

065. [ ] went to the beach with your best friend

066. [x] stayed single the whole year


CURRENTLY:

067. Eating?
Nothing.

068. Drinking?
Coffee

069. I'm about to?
Go to Class.

070. Listening to?
Nothing.

071. Plans for today/tomorrow?
Work on school and hopefully work out again.

072. Waiting for?
For my friends to contact me anyway possible.

YOUR FUTURE:

073. Want kids?
Yes, but not more than 3.

074. Want to get married?
Hope to but unsure because I have no idea what the future holds.

075. Careers in mind?
Cybernetic Engineer and inventor of sorts.


WHICH IS BETTER ON A BOY/GIRL?

076. Lips or eyes?
Eyes.

077. Shorter or taller?
Shorter than I.

078. Romantic or spontaneous?
Romantic

079. Nice stomach or nice arms?
Stomach.

080. Sensitive or loud?
Sensitive.

081. Hookup or relationship?
Relationship

082. Troublemaker or hesitant?
Does it matter really? Because I just want to close to them.


HAVE YOU EVER:

083. Lost glasses/contacts?
No.

084. Ran away from home?
Yes. Multiple times

085. Held a gun/knife for self defense?
Yes.

086. Killed somebody?
Only in a video game.

087. Broken someone's heart?
I hope to god not. No, not to knowledge.

088. Been arrested?
Nope.

089. Cried when someone died?
Yes....So soon too.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

090. Yourself?
At times right now. But I'm trying to get by.

091. Miracles?
Yes.

092. Love at first sight?
Maybe. It's all up to the type of love.

093. Heaven?
An After-Life, Yes.

094. Santa Claus?
He did Historically exist in the real world. So yes.


095. Sex on the first date?
Depends how long I know about the person before the first date and what have we been through. Like best friends becoming something more or like that if you know what I mean.

096. Kiss on the first date?
Possibly, yes.


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
Yes.

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?
No, I know I can do better but right now I am recovering from a serious loss in my family so it will be awhile before I get back on my feet with confidence in my security.

099. Do you believe in God?
I believe that there is a conscious force above us that is guiding us in soem way or another. God, Alla, the Creator or whatever you call it, it's there and it is helping us out in ways we cannot fathom. So I guess yes.

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

I guess...
Anybody who wants to do it really.

You know how you kind-of have a feeling floating around through life and never really going anywhere or making a name for your or doing something to get you out of the runt. I feel like that. Until today. I am tired of being afraid. I was watching Ferris' Bueller's Day Off and I was watching this kid named Cameron played by Alan Ruck and I was watching him try to undo the miles on the odometer on the Ferrari 250 GT California by running the car in reverse in his father's hillside garage and then he gets angry at his dad way of abusing him and paying all of his attention to the Ferrari. He then starts to beat up the front end of the car and he says that his father will see the damage and that he would be able to cover it up. But Cameron says he's confront his father about it. He leans up against the ferrari and the jack has been offset due to him beating up the front of the car and the car is leaned off the jack by Cameron and the car hits the floor and screeches backwards and hit the glass back of the hillside garage and falls off into the ravine behing the garage. And ferris offers to take the blame for it but Cameron says that he is tired of being afraid and he'll take it. It's was at that moment that I realized that I can't be waiting for something to happen. I had to be not afraid. Because like in the movie, if you want something great to happen like Ferris did, you had to take some major risks and not be afraid to show the world what you can do. After all I have only so much time left before something happens to where I won't be able to do it anymore. I need to make plans, make preparations and seize the day just like Ferris Bueller. Because being legendary in what you do is what stands out.

I'm going to do things to make my life better and not be afraid of just what people are trying to keep me down or out. Like, I'm going to work on my house regardless the my dad's gone and I don't want to disturb his work. I have to finish the house and I Will complete his work. For my Family and everyone. I feel energized.